A Wife's Perspective . . .

Anneli Figura

Reflections after the Annual Mass for Deceased Wives... from a wife’s perspective

That sounds a bit spooky... a living wife’s perspective, I would hasten to say!

As wife of the newly-appointed Circle Vice-President, I attended my first Mass for Deceased Wives this afternoon. This is an annual event but one which Edek and I hadn’t been able to attend in previous years. Edek has been a Catenian for only four years and so most of the names read out during Mass rang no bells for me, but in any case I found the occasion very meaningful. Why?

Obviously any memorial liturgy for those who have been much loved will be a moving occasion. As well as the people being remembered, however – powerful although that was – I was struck by a principle. The Catenians may be a men’s organisation, but there is family feeling at its heart. Feeling for the Catenian family, and for “the family”.

When Edek was initially told about the Catenians by a friend who already belonged, I encouraged him to join as a way of enjoying the company of other men on a regular basis and of having something social “of his own” rather than as part of a couple. Most women need little encouragement to get together, talk, enjoy each other’s company and offer mutual support (my husband sometimes refers to this under the label of “gossiping about nail varnish and stuff”). Men can benefit from exactly the same things (minus the nail varnish maybe) but don’t do it so naturally. They tend to need a formal set-up with objective aims and outcomes. When Edek was asked to become Vice-President for 2011/12, I continued the encouragement, thinking if a bit of a good thing was helpful, even more of it would be even more helpful!

What I hadn’t realised in either case were the benefits that would accrue to me too, as Edek’s wife. The Catenian organisation honours marriage and family life and the Crawley Circle is, I believe, particularly good at involving “other halves” in its life. Of course the monthly meetings are just for the gentlemen and (for the reasons given above) I think that’s a good thing. However our Circle also has an active social life and it wouldn’t dream of leaving the ladies out. This even extends to the meeting evenings - there are buffets after the monthly meetings every three months to which wives are warmly welcomed.

I have attended a number of social events now and look forward to many more. (Ladies are represented on the Social Committee so the social side of things isn’t organised entirely to male tastes by any means!) These events are a way of getting to know women I might not otherwise have come across... women of a wide range of ages and from both Crawley and Horsham parishes. The Catenian Association is a real social opportunity for wives too and, furthermore, supports marriage by encouraging friendship between like-minded couples. If recruitment drives and word of mouth (and blog) are successful, perhaps we will see a real family focus to many of our social events, if men begin to join who have younger children. I know this was the case with Crawley Circle when it first began.

We live in an individualistic world and one in which traditional marriage, as preached by the Catholic Church, is increasingly undermined. I count myself and my husband lucky to be involved in an organisation which values, respects and does all it can to support family life. If there are any men out there who are considering getting involved with the Catenians, or ladies whose men are thinking about it, but who are at all put off by the “men only” label – don’t hesitate! The Catenians are by no means men only but one of the most inclusive organisations I have come across. Go for it!